Lost and Gain

Well, I guess it's another year again. So funny, I literally update my blog once in a year. Neh, it's just nothing much to comment in blog. Just to update myself and leave a note for my future self, I always thought that everything is worth to remember regardless how bad or how good it were.

Well, I have lost one person (I think la) in 2018. Remember everytime I said it was my karma because of something I got cursed (bullshit, trying to give excuses) every even year is my "good" year and every odd year is my hell year. Well, we actually gone through 2017 and I thought we can make it but end up, I end it myself. I really hope this person won't find my blog OMG Amen. It was like this, we were really good friends. First, let us not try to assume everything about that person's feeling, just mine alright. I was really comfortable when I was with him (ya, is a him). I don't know it's like, he is a big brother to me. I remember when I first went into Uni, when I was a young and dumb kid he was there to support me. He will always have my back. He was okay when I annoy him or text him when I was bored. Or, when I was really helpless and he was there. When I got my sem break back home, on laptop on game is always my first thing to do because we will always play games together. He was so much patient that even sometimes I have done some stupid stuff he didn't even scold me. It was just me, myself and I. I took everything for granted. Yala, I admit la I like him also mah. Zomok? Cannot merh? Never see people in love before merh. I was scared also la at first, I knew that I'll ruin this thing one day. I knew it. It's just, I let myself to keep the hope and done things in a worst way to mess it up. It was actually not the first time, and I knew it after the first incident happened we actually created a distance. My friend did actually reminded me not to keep going on and end up I continue lying myself and give so many excuses. Sigh. You know I still remember the last thing he told me " Kelly, everyone has their own problems also, not only you." He was so cold and I don't know maybe I was talking with a stranger, he was completely a different person already that time. Maybe he really annoyed already and I still keep on complaining. And now shit happen. But, I never blame him but to thank him. I was too emotional and overly clingy. I knew that. Nevermind, just let it be. Everything is better now. Sometimes, I will miss the old times also la. Who doesn't? When memories strike. Although we are not those official boyfriend and girlfriend stuff, it's just he used to be a very important friend of mine (maybe it was just me).

One year, one whole year. You never imagine what I had gone through and I almost commit suicide. But what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. I found out that, adult life is never easy. But, thanks to the obstacles, I learnt a LOT. Not sure what will I be in the future, but I hope it's all good. Owh. Btw, I went to my intern already. I was working in an event company. Well, good thing is I wrote a super long daily report everyday because I was really busy especially when there were events going. It was fun and I actually met many new friends and learnt so much. I have a great boss and supervisor to guide me and not to be kiam siap in teaching me. Also, my bunch of young colleague. They are like those cool kids, wearing street wear and fashionable. I stress tahu? I am a girl and I am not as fashionable as them oh my lord. They are friendly and always help me as well. I really touched de lerh, although I don't remember what things la they help me. HAHAHAHHAA... It's really the nicest thing ever in 2018. Great experience and good friends. Ya, still got good things happen in 2018. My instastory was always spamming when I was doing my intern. It was tiring, event whole day until midnight, sometimes we don't even have a proper meal time. Despite, I enjoy and happy with it. I didn't even slim and I don't understand why. I literally sweat like raining everytime event and yet I still gain weight. Not sure why.

Stepping in into my final year. It is tough, super tough. My Final Year Project (FYP) is torturing me. Using my blood to do one, crazy. You know almost every weekend, I have to sleep at 4 or 5am just to finish that 38 pages of report. Reading materials are all crazy shit. We have to face countless assignments, quiz, exam and test. University is slowly killing us. My house the earliest to sleep is like 2am something already. Ya, if you wish to have a late night call, you can call me. I am still wide awake. Not really sure what am I going to work after graduating. I was thinking this question since sem 1 year 1. I am scare I end up doing sales. wtf. I pray hard la really, God, please lead me to find a way out.

I guess that's a sum up for my 2018? Yes, I might lost my friend but I actually gain something that I am really happy for and more wiser in thinking. Pray hard 2019, give me a greater experience and more adventure to go! Happy New Year!