Is time to grow up

I always thought that I've grown up
the truth is I haven't.

I'm not even at that level yet.
I found out I still cry like a baby when problems strike.
I can't keep calm.
I can't think properly although I don't really speak out immediate when problems come to me.
I can't hold a thing properly.
I'm still sensitive af.
I'm still annoying af.
I'm still noisy af.

I really hate 2015.
Really.
And yet I learn a lot in 2015.
I thought I can handle this.
I thought I am strong after years from this kind of things.
I thought I am right.
It's all my thoughts.

Well, I shouldn't be like that I guess.
Not being depress bla bla bla.
Just disappointed to myself, I thought I can but actually I can't.
I did expect I will end up like this, why the heck I still feel so bad when it really happens.
They say don't put too much expectation, at the end you get nothing but disappointment.
But now I get what I expected but I still feel bad, K. Explain.

Maybe karma hits me.
It hits me at this moment,
Or maybe my wrong.
I shouldn't do that, I shouldn't be like that.

Please, can you just grow up?!

Still got exam man straight 2 weeks.
Something please distract me from that thing and I can back to study please.
Find an argument with me.
Fight with me.
Slap me.
Scold me.

Just do it.
As long as get my attention and distract me.

I don't know what happen to me.
I really don't know.
Ya, maybe too stress.
How how how if I'm too stress, the problem must be my exam but then no.
Oh mai gad I really..

Few more weeks past 2015.

Nice, 2016.
Odd years too noob for me.
Is a curse, I said before.
Someone cursed me, I don't know why but then yes.
As I expected, 2015 bad days are knocking my door and look for me.
I just...

I just thought I can handle it.
Maybe I can partially handle it?
At least I didn't lost control like previous terrible year.
Dang it. Nightmares.

I feel like click the delete button in everyone's mind
Then I can delete everything.
So..shame.
Really.

OH GHOSH.

"Have faith they said. Believe in miracle. Everything will turn good. You will see the sun after all."